Behavioral laws are predictable ways in which behavior is developed and changes over time.
And let’s face it: predictable behavior is exactly what parents are looking for, especially when a toddler is rolling around on the floor screaming because they asked for the blue cup, and you GAVE THEM THE BLUE CUP.
Here’s what you need to know about behavioral science, and how it applies to parenting:
Learning to play by the (new) rules of behavioral science
Behavioral science, or behavior analysis, in its most simple terms, states that behavior can be shaped by the environment, particularly the part of the environment that interacts with the behavior directly after it occurs.
As a parent, the environment is YOU!
You are the most important part of a child’s surroundings, and as such, you are the only thing that you can change when you are the next victim of the ‘Blue Cup Disaster’.
So, it should be easy, right? Control myself, and I can mold my child into the gentle, loving, flexible any-cup-will-do child of my dreams.
But, of course, it’s not that easy. The parent/child relationship is so unique. No one can pull your strings and push your buttons like your child.
Enter: behavioral science
I have been a parent for two decades, and I have been a behavioral therapist, by trade, for nearly five years. I have learned many things by being a player for both teams. Specifically, I have learned how naively I approached behavior change as a parent.
I can tell you with plenty of embarrassment that at the first meeting we had with our behavioral therapy practitioner, I looked her right in the eye and said, “I really don’t think this is going to work. I think we’ve already tried everything.”
I am so grateful for her patience with me (and that she didn’t ask me to leave right then and there). At the time, I believed every word I said. I was a teacher, well-read and educated on childhood development, and I was an absolute expert on my son, but I was underestimating the impact that my behavior had on my son and the impact that my son’s behavior had on me.
Because of our unique parent/child bond, I made mistakes in managing behavior because I was so close to my child and so invested in his success.
Once I recognized my role in my children’s environment and how I could change ME to make a difference for them: game-changer!
Of course, game-changing is rarely easy, especially when the game involves a tiny human with their own set of rules to follow. To change the game, there was plenty of work for me to do:
Step 1: learn about behavior
Step 2: discipline myself to change my own behavior
At least now, I have a set of guidelines to help direct my choices and the confidence that the science backing up these guidelines create a solid foundation.
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