When most of us think about depression, sadness is the first thing to come to mind. But the reality is, signs of depression in teens and even in kids vary widely, and some are really easy to miss. The first sign of one of my children’s depression was not lethargy or sadness. It was anger. I assumed it was just moodiness–a natural symptom of teenagerhood, after all–but it was something more. If something doesn’t seem quite right about your teen or child’s behavior, listen to your instincts. No one knows your child better than you do.
Signs of depression in teens and kids (that you may not recognize):
Irritability:
Yes, it can be common for teens and preteens to be moody or for their emotions to be all over the map, but extreme or prolonged irritability can mean more. Lean into it: ask teens why they’re upset, which forces them to dig into those feelings. If they have an explanation (a cause) for their irritability (even if it doesn’t seem rational to you), it may be normal teen moodiness, as hormones wreak havoc. But if they admit that they don’t know why they’re irritatable, and seem as baffled or frustrated by this as you are, it may be a sign of depression.
Anger:
Anger can go hand-in-hand with irritability in teens, and irrational or unprompted bouts of extreme anger is a very common but misunderstood sign of depression. Like irritability, teens will often have little or no idea WHY they feel so angry, and the loss of control they feel may perpetuate the frustration.
Sleeplessness:
If your teen has prolonged or consistent insomnia, and you cannot attribute a reason to the sleeplessness (such as worry over an upcoming test or phone usage at bedtime), depression might be to blame. Most parents rarely connect sleeplessness or restless sleep to a possible depression diagnosis.
Loss of interest in favorite activities:
A withdrawal from things your child or teen used to enjoy doing is another possible sign of depression. Again, this is especially true if there appears to be no reason for the change of heart about a favorite pasttime. Often, kids themselves cannot explain why they are no longer interested. Don’t worry if your teen loses interest in an activity naturally, or lets go of an activity but replaces it with another. What we’re looking for here is a sudden decision that they no longer like (fill in the blank), with no reason for feeling this way.
Difficulty concentrating/forgetfulness:
As parents, we most often attribute a difficulty concentrating on lack of discipline, lack of sleep, or general scatteredness. Or, some teens and kids are misdiagnosed with ADHD or ADD because of a difficulty with concentration that leads to poor performance at school or at home, when depression is actually to blame.
More common signs of depression in teens to always be aware of:
- persistent negative thoughts
- feelings of hopelessness
- disinterest in friends/lack of connection with friends
- decline in school performance
How to get teens and kids help:
First, talk openly and honestly with your teen. Don’t minimalize their feelings; validate them. Don’t allow them to use signs of depression as an excuse, but as the start of a solution. Get professional help. Start with your child’s pediatrician or primary care doctor, and ask for a referral from there. Getting an official diagnosis of major depressive disorder can feel scary, but it’s also a helpful tool. With a diagnosis, treatment and care can begin.
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